August 1st, 2009

terminator guys.

i don't know why the cylons don't use the phrase 'hack attack!'

just want to point out that my yahoo mail account was hacked earlier this week. it's an email address that i haven't really used in recent years, but if we were friends, enemies or friendemies between say 2003-2005ish, there is a chance you received an email from me containing a link to an ad. judging from the 2,000 replies i got about it, i believe it's mostly harmless, though like any other virus it could cause vampirism. not to worry, though, vampires are really in right now.

there's a weird emotional element to having your email account broken into. a feeling that you, yourself have been invaded followed by worrying that everyone on your contact list thinks you're an asshole. these feelings were fleeting however, as i realized that anyone that's known me since 2003 must already know i'm an asshole, and the amount of hate generated by contacts that don't talk to me/i don't talk to anymore just seeing my name in their inbox actually fuels the black magic i use to power my internet connection anyway.

by way of an apology, here's some things i believe could have caused the hacking so that you could attempt to avoid it:

- i was thinking about the 90s.

i was up at like 7am randomly writing a blog post about the effect of 90s' irony on contemporary popular culture because i'm pathetically insane. as i was alive in the 1990s, i was thinking about my youth. this feeling of vague nostalgia may have flowed from my head into my browser causing it to lower its defenses and only block viruses that were created prior to y2k. from now on the furthest my memory will go back is 2007.

- my browser is from 1981.

the laptop that i use is from the 1960s. i'd get a new one but it's hard to find another computer with a vinyl record drive right now. also, i have no money. it crashed a couple of months ago and would only let me install OS X negative 15. so the browser i use is a really old version of firefox (fatherfox). i don't think this blocks everything and am, in fact, surprised it works at all.

- we are all pawns in the game skynet is playing.

if the terminator movies have taught me anything it's that machines use incredibly complicated and generally illogical plans to defeat the human resistance. if they have to hack my yahoo account to lure john connor out of hiding and into a trap that doesn't fully make sense involving a young, cgi arnold schwarzenegger and podcasts and open heart surgery, i can't really do anything about it. some things are just bigger than me.

- sexually transmitted disease.

i think this is pretty self-explanatory. my computer fucks a lot of other computers. this loose behavior possibly stems back to its childhood and the fact that it had a weird relationship with its father. or possibly comes from the backlash against sex education in schools and in the media. either way, we all know it can be dangerous.

- yahoo sucks.

- cylons.

while i don't agree with everything they stand for, there is a certain amount of allure to the cylon culture. besides, who wants to use a computer that isn't networked? this attitude possibly got me in trouble.